The Fading Strains, A Requiem
By: Spooks
~ ~ ~ ~
The next morning when the scientist woke he was still sharing Heero's small bed. 02 was unsure of what to make of himself. Yesterday's events had been incredible in their combined revelations, activities, and catharses. Truly, 02 was a new man. But who was this new man? 02 didn't know the answer to that question.
He sighed and diverted his attention away from his introspection for the moment and shifted it to the bandaged soldier he still held carefully in his arms. 02 reflected on what had happened between them. After they had...02 felt a swell of warmth in his chest at the memory...after...he had cleaned his lover with the utmost gentle care and respect. After dressing, they spent the rest of the day in quiet contemplation and conversation, lying together on Heero's bed. 02 had only left the room to prepare food.
So, what had Heero taught him? Ten years ago, 02 had tried to teach this same Heero how to balance life, but instead 02 took away a faulty lesson that had all but killed his heart. The man had thought he was honoring the soldier's memory but was unwittingly sullying it instead. Now, after so much had happened, this boy, his Heero, had offered 02 a chance at redemption. To stray so far and yet be invited to come back...02 owed Heero so much.
The scientist felt shame at what he had become over the years: a cold, merciless number that took his solace in vengeance and tried to murder his past. He had become the opposite of the balance he had once held important, but at least now he could look back on the past ten years with a new perspective, that of his old self. He had gained that sight again. 02 knew who he was underneath all the pain.
Yet he knew that he was no longer worthy of the name Duo Maxwell. He would not disgrace that bright person with what he had become. 02 knew that he had changed too much to really be able to go back, but instead took solace in the balance he was finding between his past and present. A new balance, a different balance, but a balance nonetheless.
02 accepted this. He knew that he could not return to the identity of his youth; he could never forget his comrades or the war he had fought after he had become a number. His past was a part of him. Truly, wiping away those ten years would also be a crime. To forget 03, 04, and 05 by taking his old name would be forsaking them. Their combined cause had been won, their years of agony had been worth the effort, but 02 could not let go of their memory. Just as he had taken the name Duo from Solo, and Maxwell from the Church, he would remain 02 for his past and his comrades.
Besides, he was used to that name by now. 02 let a small, cynical smile sneak onto his face as he felt Heero's breathing pattern change slightly. The boy was waking up.
~ ~ ~ ~
Later that day Trowa returned, driving a borrowed car instead of the large transport truck he had used for his Gundam. Less than an hour passed before they were on the road, headed for the circus's current location. The trip lasted the rest of the day, through the evening, and toiled into the dark of the early morning. 02 took shifts at the wheel after studying the map of their chosen route. The entire time Heero slept stretched out in the backseat while 02 and Trowa shared sparse conversation.
02 wondered about Heero's suddenly heavy and excessive sleep...there must be something he was missing about these sudden bouts of slumber; the boy was otherwise quite healthy. The scientist decided to worry about it after they arrived at the circus and were settled. After all, sleep wasn't life threatening.
When they finally pulled into the small circus camp in the pre-sunrise gloom, 02 realized he had less than 96 hours of existence left. A wave of unsettled dizziness rolled over him at the thought, causing his knees to buckle beneath him as he climbed out the passenger side of the car.
"Are you all right?" Trowa's quiet voice came from the other side of the vehicle.
"Not really," 02 whispered back truthfully. "But give me a minute and I'll be able to pull myself together."
Trowa nodded and turned his attention to the trunk of the car, unloading the limited supplies they had transported from the safe house. While 02 watched, leaning against the side of the vehicle, the quiet soldier unlocked a door in the middle of a trailer and carried the supplies inside somewhere to the right of the doorway. After two trips, the limited bags and boxes were unloaded, and Trowa nodded in the direction of Heero, who was still sleeping deeply in the backseat of the car.
"He hasn't been awake during the entire trip. Do you just want carry him inside rather than try to wake him up now?"
02 shrugged minutely. "Let's just get him inside. If he wakes up while we're carrying him, then we'll see if he really wants to walk. I'd rather just get him inside as quickly as possible, though. He doesn't need to strain himself."
"All right," Trowa responded, his voice hushed in the dark morning's air.
Together the two carried Heero inside the small trailer, with Trowa supporting more of the soldier's weight than 02. It was fortunate, because 02 was winded by the time they settled the sleeping boy onto the small cot. He was grateful for the help that Trowa had provided.
02 said as much.
Trowa only nodded again in response and walked to where a short hallway disappeared into the other half of the trailer. He paused and turned to look at 02 for a long moment. "You know, you've changed."
02 was not surprised. "Thank you."
With a final small nod, the pilot left, disappearing down the dark hallway and into another room. The quiet click of metal against the hard plastic molding of the doorframe echoed through the still space for a moment. Evidently this was the "living room" of Trowa's own designated trailer. That was good.
02 looked around the small single room. It was lined with shelves that appeared to shut tightly, designed specifically for travel efficiency, not luxury. Everything had its designated place, it seemed. A vid-set was even attached amongst the cabinets in the wall opposite the bed.
He stood up and drew the light curtains over the three small windows as he continued his survey. A chair was buckled with leather straps to the wall beside one of the long rows of drawers that went from the ceiling to the floor, presumably so that it wouldn't damage anything while the trailer was moving. The chair hadn't been noticeable until 02 had looked directly at the shadowed space. For some reason, that detail struck him as mildly amusing. He wasn't sure why.
02 wondered if Trowa had told anyone about Heero and himself, if their presence at the circus was supposed to be secretive. He supposed that Trowa would have told him if that were the case. Besides, 02 reflected with a bitter smile, if this time's Trowa really had managed to save Heero's life single handedly, he would have brought the boy here for recovery anyway. Thus time was reasserting itself, trying to smooth its way despite 02's meddling. With this in mind, his own presence would be arbitrary because he was going to be forgotten anyway. Like puff of smoke dissipating in the wind...
Would that be how he went? Gone like a puff of smoke? Would he blink and never open his eyes again? Or would he simply fade away? Would it hurt? 02 entertained a few morbid thoughts on his nonexistence before pushing them aside. What did it matter? It's not as though he'd have time to know the answers once it had happened.
02 lazily looked down at Heero, who was slumbering on the hard cot Trowa had provided. In the corner, the scientist noticed, there was a neatly folded sleeping bag. Maybe he'd used it, but probably not. He didn't think Heero would mind sharing. It's not as though he'd remember...95 hours left...
The scientist shook his head angrily, trying to shake the negative thoughts out of his head but only succeeding in making himself dizzy. Groaning, he sat down at the edge of the cot and ran a finger down the bandages lining one of Heero's arms. As his fingertips caught the edges of the gauze and smoothed over the cottony material, he told himself to focus on the now, because there wasn't much of it left.
Squeezing his eyes shut, 02 took a deep breath as he lay down beside the sleeping soldier. He carefully wrapped one arm around the boy's waist and settled down, trying desperately to quell the weird emptiness that had suddenly flooded his mind. He held onto Heero as tight as he dared, once again putting off thinking about why the soldier was sleeping so much.
02 was tired.
He sent up a prayer, not knowing anymore who to address it to, so he just let his mind drift out aimlessly. Hope and pain and need twined together; the man suddenly found himself wondering what would happen after his body ceased its existence. 02 had often heard that in the face of death, even an atheist prays...Mortality and the thought of nothingness were heavy things to consider, after all.
What would it be like not to exist? Some scientists would say that the idea of an afterlife is merely an attempt to cushion the blow of death, to soften the idea of not existing anymore. It was a monstrous concept to consider, after all...not being.
So what did he think? 02 wasn't sure, be he found it hard to believe that "nothing" could really exist. A contradiction in terms indeed, but hadn't he already considered this? Was it hope, willing naivete, fear, or something else that had sparked this train of thought?
As he drifted off to sleep, his attention ambled towards the memory of a young orphan, "There is no God, Sister Helen...I think the only God in this world is the God of Death..."
02 felt his smile grow and immediately fade. He hadn't even considered the possibility of any God, of Death or otherwise, in such a long time...so why now?
Was there a God of Time?
Did it matter? He'd see soon enough.
02 wondered what would happen when Time judged him...what would happen to his soul? Did he even still have one? Did it matter? Did it truly matter?
He wasn't sure.
~ ~ ~ ~
Sunlight was streaming merrily around the edges of the curtains when 02 woke to the sound of a quiet knock at the trailer door. Before the scientist could gather enough of his dwindling energy to sit up and answer it, their visitor opened the door and slipped in, carefully balancing a tray of food between her hand and her jutting hip. 02 wondered if it pinched the woman's skin; she was wearing a pair of shorts and a short top, so the metal of the tray was digging into the bare skin of her waist.
"Hello, um, 02 is it?" She asked politely, despite the wariness that wrinkled her brow. The young woman unlatched a small table from its place in a closed compartment and set the tray of food down carefully on top of it. That done, she stood back and studied the now fully awake scientist even as he continued to study her.
02 realized that she was waiting for him to respond. "Oh, yes. I am 02. And you?" He inquired, even though he knew that she must be Catherine Bloom.
Trowa had revealed precious little information about the circus, but the pilot had referred to this girl in passing. Not to mention the information his comrade 03 had divulged in his time. Evidently she had taken Trowa under her wing when he had first arrived at the circus, and although the boy didn't say it in so many words, it was clear that he appreciated it. In his time, 03 had even remembered the girl, on the rare occasions when the scientists had held casual conversation about their pasts, he had sometimes mentioned her.
02 wondered how this young woman would affect this Trowa, now. In 02's timeline, 03 had already lost use of his legs and would never have seen her again. It was then that 02 realized just how deeply the actions of he and his fellow scientists had influenced people.
"I'm Catherine," She smiled warily, obviously still gauging 02. Her clear eyes flickered back from the scientist to the soldier still sleeping on the bed. "Is he okay with you sharing his bed?"
Hmm...perhaps that was the reason for her distrust. 02 forced his smile to remain nonthreatening. "He invited me."
"Oh," Catherine nodded, curls bouncing against her cheek as she processing the information. 02 could tell this teenager was sharp, very sharp. "Well, I brought you two something to eat, since Trowa got up earlier and had something. If you need anything, Trowa's asleep again, in the last room of this trailer, and my trailer's door is right across from the door of this one."
She paused, then crossed her arms over her chest. "Everyone around here is pretty friendly, and as long as you don't bring people in here shooting at us, we know how to keep our mouths shut."
02 nodded. Well, he hadn't been expecting her to be so frank with him, but it was appreciated. He wondered if little 05 had gotten the same speech only a short while (in this timeline) ago when he was staying with Trowa. "That's fine. Thank you for your hospitality, Catherine."
She flashed him a genuine, but sad smile as she uncrossed her arms. "Your welcome. I hope he gets better soon." With a final glance past 02 at the still sleeping Heero, she deliberately turned her back and walked out, closing the door with a quiet but sound click.
As soon as the door was shut, the soldier's eyes fluttered open. "02? Are we at Trowa's circus?"
"Yes," the man confirmed, twisting around to gaze down at Heero. It was strange how he had woken at the exact moment Catherine had left...
Best not to think about it.
Day turned into night.
72 hours left.
~ ~ ~ ~
After 02 and Heero had eaten, the scientist filled the teenager in on their new location. Then they turned on the vid-set to the news, as neither of them had any idea what was going on in the world since Heero's failed self-destruction.
Before long they turned the set off again. In less than ten minutes of watching, 02 was sure that the war would continue for some time. It was already changing, right before his eyes. Global scale. Amazing.
Heero realized that he wouldn't remember the information after 02's expiration, but he did not voice this out loud. With that thought, however, he realized that for the next three days he had the opportunity to truly forget the war and focus on something else. It wouldn't matter, because he would forget. A double-edged sword.
So the vid-set was soon turned off, although neither the soldier nor the scientist told the other their reason for not wanting to continue watching it. Some things, although mutually known, are better left unsaid.
Soon after, Heero fell back asleep and Catherine came back to see if they had eaten the food she had left for them. Trowa emerged while the two were talking, and he offered to show 02 the lay of the camp. The scientist accepted the boy's offer only after Catherine promised to stay and watch Heero.
~ ~ ~ ~
"I've never seen lions before," 02 commented as Trowa reached through the bars of the cage and petted one of the large felines.
Trowa looked up and let a very tiny grin ghost across his face for a moment. He nodded, then shifted over to pet another lion. The large animal purred, the deep rumble shaking the soles of 02's shoes as he knelt down beside Trowa. Slowly, carefully, the scientist eased a hand between the bars, letting the lion Trowa had first petted sniff his hand. Then he leaned in further, cautiously petting the animal's soft tawny fur.
The big lion purred.
~ ~ ~ ~
That evening 02 and Heero were alone again. After 02 had returned from Trowa's tour of the campground, Catherine and he had left. Perhaps to practice? 02 realized as the door closed behind the pair that he had no idea what, besides acrobatics, Trowa could do in the circus.
He knew from 03 that Trowa had been a performer, but just what his role in the circus had been had never come up. 02 felt a sudden ache in his chest at the thought; despite ten years in each other's company, they had not truly known each other. Their work had consumed them, and despite the ability to work together and communicate with an eerie group consciousness, only a few scraps of excessive personal details filtered through. They had not been friends, just fellow scientists; they were companions who had shared a cause. The realization made him long for what could have been.
But now he must focus on what was. Now. He supposed that whatever Trowa did, it was of no real consequence to 02.
The scientist turned his attention to Heero. He was waking up. Again, just after the others had left...could it be that Heero would never be coherent around other people until he was supposed to wake up? 02 remembered how the boy had faded in and out of consciousness before they had managed to get him to the safe house. Had Trowa been around for those bouts? 02 found that he couldn't remember, but it seemed as though Heero was awake only for 02 at this point in time. Was 02 the only one to see Heero conscious now because he was an outsider in this time? If so, then had destiny already decided a new course of action? Why had it not chosen a new path before now?
02 massaged the bridge of his nose, willing away the pain that had commenced to lance across his forehead in hot bursts of agony. Maybe he was overanalyzing things. Thinking this much was actually starting to hurt him.
By this time, Heero was struggling to prop himself up on his elbows. "What's wrong?"
02 smiled. "Nothing."
~ ~ ~ ~
Less than 48 hours left, and 02 was starting to feel different. He couldn't help wondering if it was his imagination. As dawn edged fingers of sunlight between the cracks of the drawn curtains, 02 rose from slumber feeling unsettled. He let his gaze linger for a moment on Heero's sleeping face before rising from the bed. They had slept sharing the small cot, nothing more.
Anything more would have been unnecessary at this point.
The scientist walked soundlessly across the floor of the trailer, the coolness of the hard floor seeping into the soles of his bare feet and causing him to shudder. Trowa had let him borrow a pair of old cotton shorts and a shirt to sleep in. It was a nice gesture. Before, he had been using his day clothing.
02 carefully opened up the door to the tiny bathroom and squeezed himself inside. After performing the morning's routine functions, he finally acknowledged the existence of a small hand mirror tucked into a wall slot by the small sink. 02 had avoided mirrors studiously since he had discovered the disappearing of his scars. But now...he was curious.
So 02 deliberately picked up the mirror, keeping the reflective surface turned away from view. 02 closed his eyes and ground his teeth together. Then he took a deep breath and turned it so that it pointed towards his face. He opened his eyes.
He had no reflection.
02 dropped the mirror. It bounced off the edge of the small sink basin and tumbled end over end until it shattered on the floor.
The scientists fell to his knees amongst the shards of broken silver glass, cutting himself. With shaking hands he picked up a large shard of the broken mirror and brought it to his face again.
There he was! He had a reflection! He did!
Maybe he hadn't held the mirror correctly the first time.
Maybe it had been his imagination.
Maybe...
02 desperately tried to convince himself as he cleaned up the broken remains of the mirror. His knees dripped blood onto the floor. They burned as the small wounds tore with his movement.
If he could feel pain, he must still exist, right?
Right?
02 finished dumping the shards of glass into the small wastebasket he had found beside the toilet, smearing blood on the floor. Thick red droplets, fat wells of crimson pain.
He had imagined it. He had.
02 stood up, almost convinced that he had been in error the first time he looked in the mirror. He leaned against the edge of the small sink and tipped his head backwards, feeling tendrils of uncombed hair brush against the back of his neck at the movement.
Calmed, he straightened his back and squared his shoulders. He still had to clean up the blood he had dripped on the floor, the blood from his still-stinging knees. He looked down.
There was no blood on the floor.
Breath hitching in his throat, he moved his gaze to the slot beside the sink. The mirror sat there, unassuming and in one piece. With shaking hands, 02 picked up the wastebasket. There were no broken shards of glass. No evidence.
It was the beginning of the end.
~ ~ ~ ~
02 ignored the rising sun and returned to bed. He spent the rest of the day at Heero's side, watching the boy sleep when Catherine or Trowa entered the room, and watching him wake up again when they left. 02 tried not to think about things and failed miserably. Time passed.
The scientist finally went outside to watch the sunset, leaving Catherine in front of the vid-set in Heero's room. After a short walk that made him weak and rather dizzy, he found a soft grassy hill that had a decent view. When he sank to the ground, 02 found that he was out of breath from the climb up the hill. He shrugged and leaned back against his hands and watched the sun set.
After the fiery orb dipped below the line of trees that broke the horizon, 02 sighed. It had been beautiful.
He only had one more sunrise and one more sunset left. He looked up at the stars and the waning moon as twilight had faded into darkness. His last complete night.
When 02 stood up to leave, he noticed that he had left no imprint in the springy grass.
He smiled. He couldn't do anything about it.
~ ~ ~ ~
The 24 hour marked passed as he slept. When 02 woke, he found that he had trouble sitting up. Faintly, he registered that he had missed sunrise, and a glance at the clock showed that he had less than 12 hours left. Undesirable, yet it was done. Oh well, he had never really liked mornings anyway. 02 felt the ghost of a smile find its way to his lips.
So, this was the last day of his life? So be it. 02 gasped, suddenly feeling short of breath. He felt hallucinations grip him as the fabric of his mind began to unravel. A vision of a new Wing, was it? Huh? What? Was time changing? What was that? He was seeing things...
02 blinked and fought to regain his presence of mind. The future of this world was out of his hands, but why were these images shattering his composure this late in the game? Was time's ripple finally moving forth, finally ripping him apart? Would he leave this plane early? No! The images ceased for a moment and he caught his breath. Maybe these side effects, these hallucinations, maybe they were over.
02 glanced over beside him at Heero's slumbering form. Another hallucination gripped his vision. A half-crazed little 04, cradling an unconscious Heero and feeding the pilot water...in space? What the hell was going on?
02 gripped his hair in frustration, tugging and yanking on the strands harshly. Pain. Clarity. The hallucinations were so vivid...
Wait! His hair felt...different.
The scientist stumbled out of the bed and to the trailer's tiny bathroom, yanking the little mirror from its slot in the wall. With wide, wild eyes he focused on his reflection, happy to find it there, but almost shocked into losing his balance by what he saw. His hair had grown while he slept, tumbling down past his shoulders and halfway down his back. 02 forced his hands to grip the plastic handle of the tiny mirror so he wouldn't drop it. Carefully, he placed it back in its slot.
02 sank to his knees on the cold floor. He noticed that there was no sting from the wounds he had received the day before. Easing his legs out from under him, he checked them for injury. Just as he suspected, the myriad of jagged cuts had already healed. Strange side effect, but 02 decided he had other things to consume his mind at the moment.
Understatement. Sarcasm. 02 snorted.
The man curled his fingers carefully and brought them up to the back of his neck, easing them into his hairline. His scars were completely gone. As 02 combed carefully through his now longer hair, he watched in fascination as a few lengthy strands slipped out from between his shaking fingers. The bits of hair disappeared from existence as they fell to the floor of the trailer, literally fading out of sight between 02's blinks.
He did not see them disappear, but they were gone nevertheless.
No evidence would remain of his passing.
02 lifted an eyebrow and laughed quietly. At least he had his answer to how he would depart the world. He'd go between blinks. It wasn't very comforting, but at least he knew. At least he knew.
Between blinks...
Yes. It was somehow fitting. Physically, at least, it would be painless.
Between blinks.
Letting out a sigh of resignation and slight amusement at his own acquiescence, the scientist climbed to his feet and stood on shaky legs. He wouldn't be able to go wandering around the camp too much today; he didn't think his cells would be cohesive enough to carry him around. He was falling apart. He didn't mind his lack of mobility, though. 02 would rather spend the day watching Heero sleep. He tried to focus his thoughts on the young soldier.
With a certainty that should have shaken him, but somehow did not, 02 knew that Heero would only wake in the last hour of his existence. The scientist would have one last chance to talk to the person that had been the center of his life for ten years. 02 wasn't sure how or why he knew this, but he knew that it was the truth.
This in mind, 02 made use of the bathroom and went back to his part of the bed. As soon as he settled down, he felt sleep begin to take him. Paradoxically, he was grateful for the distraction but reluctant to spend his last day of life asleep, so 02 fought to keep his eyes open. Then he was struck with another hallucination, and he was lost within himself.
Time had other plans for him. It seemed the ripple was influencing him in ways that were completely unforeseen. As a scientist, he must explore these latent effects. As a traveler, he had no choice but to succumb to them. A strange side effect to have at this point, 02 could only let the hallucinations take him. Perhaps...perhaps...they could impart some wisdom, some hope, just maybe act as a...comfort to him? So be it. It wasn't as though he had much of a choice anyway.
02 closed his eyes and let the visions come to him, riding the rippling tide of time.
~ ~ ~ ~
He didn't rise again until after nightfall. A glance at a clock told him he had approximately 6 hours of existence left. He should have been afraid. He wasn't.
02 sat up and looked at the plate of food sitting out on a tray by the vid-set. A single plate. Evidently Catherine, like Trowa, did not believe that Heero had moments of wakefulness. 02 considered it from their point of view: if they never saw the soldier awake, why would they believe it? Catherine shouldn't have to bring twice the food. Between them, they had only eaten off of one plate anyway. 02 realized that he had been feeding Heero off of his own platter. He had subconsciously been playing time's game. How convenient for time, he thought sardonically.
02 had given up a lot of his illusions about control. He did have free will, which had the power to possibly shape time, but after a certain point things had to go a certain way for sanity's sake. ..Or maybe not. Maybe he had been acting a certain way out of sheer coincidence. ...Or maybe it was his subconscious acting out so it could torment him later. Little Duo's revenge? Had Duo been sadistic? Or should that be masochistic? 02 wasn't sure.
He fought down a laugh. He was quarreling with himself now. It was a pointless argument. The truth was, none of these thoughts mattered. Even if he did come to a concrete conclusion, he would cease to exist, and his conclusion would go with him. So...well...oh, fuck it. Did his subconscious like to cuss as well? Perhaps. How morbidly amusing.
02 shrugged and ate some of his food, saving the rest for when Heero woke up later.
He would, of course. He had to wake up. Just a few minutes before 02 ceased. Certainty again.
A few minutes later, Catherine walked in. A look of relief washed over her face when she saw 02 sitting up at the edge of the bed and holding the plate of food. Her thin fingers clenched white-knuckled at the cuffs of her shorts. "You're finally up."
"Yeah. Thanks for the food. For everything," 02 said, pausing. He wondered if Trowa had filled the young lady in on his interesting condition. From the nervous look on her face, it was a definite maybe. The scientist decided to see how much she knew. "Do you know that I'll be leaving your company tonight?"
"Trowa mentioned something about that," She nodded, her fingers uncurling from the legs of her shorts and coming up in front of her. She clasped her hands together, wringing them. "He made it sound as though you were going to die."
02 felt something within him laugh. Why not give her the truth? "I am."
Catherine's hands dropped to her sides suddenly. Her jaw dropped slightly. "What?"
"I am going to die. Sort of. I don't know how much Trowa told you, but I'm a time traveler of sorts. I was sent from the future, Catherine, and my time here is about to run out. Sit down, and I'll tell you the whole story. You've been very kind, a good host and all, and you deserve the truth," 02 said matter-of-factly, keeping his voice even and his eyes steady.
Catherine sat down in the long fold out couch they had moved in front of the vid-set, turning sideways to stare at 02. "Very funny."
"Indeed, if it was a joke, it would be," 02 laughed lightly, beginning his story, leaving out the unnecessarily gory details. She didn't need to hear about how he burned that bunker of Oz soldiers alive, for instance. That could have been a mood killer.
Catherine appeared to believe him, but only after she had went over the facts from every angle and had him pull out a few hairs and watch them disappear. Then she thanked him for trusting her with the truth, and then hit him over the top of the head (but not too hard) for waiting so long to tell it to her.
By this time, Trowa had entered the trailer and was leaning casually against the entrance to the hallway, arms crossed. "Here's what I want to know: why bother telling us any of this? I understand the necessity of telling me on the way back from the mission, because Heero's life was in danger, but why bother telling Cathy all of this now? What's the point, 02?"
02 shrugged. "It was the right thing to do. She deserved to know the truth, as did you. It doesn't matter that you'll both forget. For the time being, you'll know."
Trowa nodded. "I'll accept that." He pushed away from the wall and disappeared deeper into the trailer. 02 heard the door to his room close.
"So, 02," Catherine started, hesitating for a few seconds before continuing in one quick breath. "Do you know what happened to me? In the future, I mean?"
The scientist glanced downwards before looking back up and meeting her gaze. "No. I'm sorry, but you must understand that our focus became solely on the mission. But...please, don't worry about it. Your future is yours to make, even if I knew what it would have been...I would have changed that by coming back and being here."
02 blinked, remembering something he had seen in his hallucinations. A simple fabrication while his mind started to break...but the wisdom of the visions could not be discounted. He decided to speak, to go with his instincts. "Catherine...you're going to have to watch Trowa very carefully. I have a feeling he's going to need you. He, in my time, didn't have any family at all. Maybe you can be his family now?"
The young woman blinked slowly, a smile spreading across her face. "I had planned on it."
The scientist smiled back. "Good."
For a long moment they sat there, just smiling at each other, before Catherine visibly shook herself and stood up. "I'll just clear away this tray of food. I know you said that Heero wakes up when we're not here, but..."
"Just leave it, I'll eat some more later," 02 waved his hand tiredly. Despite it all, she still didn't believe that Heero was waking up. That was okay. It was to be expected.
"All right then," She smiled again, this time with less brilliance and more melancholy coloring the expression. "I'll be back later," Her breath hitched. "To say good bye."
"Thank you."
Then she was gone; the door to the outside night clicked shut softly in her wake. 02 let out a sigh of partial relief. Catherine was a nice, wonderful person, but in his weakened state her slightly forceful personality was tiring to be around. That's just the way she was, though, nothing to hold against her.
02 looked at the clock again, opening the window as he did so. A little over 4 hours were left. Tick, tick, tick, he thought sourly. Despite it all, he almost wished time would hurry by. All his life had been leading up to this last moment. All who are conceived will die. He was just going to go out in a creative way.
He would die, expire, cease to be; he was no different than any other living creature, except in the method. Maybe. After all, if anyone else had ever traveled backwards in time and went out this way, it wasn't as though he'd know. Even if he had known such a traveler, he'd have forgotten that person when his or her time had ran out. It was morbid, to know that no one would know he had ever existed. But maybe this time's Duo would be better, anyway.
No one would miss 02. No one would mourn him. It was a selfish thought, but he didn't want to be forgotten. Damnit. 02 didn't care anymore! At least, that's what he kept telling himself.
An hour passed. The curtains moved with the wind that passed in through the open window.
Trowa came out of his room.
"I just wanted to...thank you," the boy said, his one visible eye boring into 02's own. "And to ask you a few things."
Of course.
"Well, first of all, you're welcome," 02 forced his smile. He appreciated the gratitude, but he was starting to truly become afraid as his time started to run out. And here he had thought he was ready! "What did you want to know?"
"Um," Trowa bit his lower lip. The gesture looked strange on the normally stoic boy's face. 02 raised an eyebrow. "What happened to your hair? Why the physical changes? Do you know?"
"I don't know, honestly. I can only guess that it's time catching up with me. You won't remember me if you ever get to meet Duo--the 'me' of your time--but he has hair that is much longer, down past his waist. I don't think that my hair is going to catch up with that length, but it sure appears to be trying, huh?" 02 laughed, bitter sparks of anger spiking his voice.
Trowa looked uncomfortable. "So...it's like how you're going to stop existing tonight? Time is catching up to you?"
"Exactly," 02 nodded, closing his eyes briefly and forcing the animosity out of his expression. "I'm not angry at you, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. Put yourself in my place for a moment, though. Every time I look at you, I see the ghost of a man I worked beside for ten years. Except you're not wheelchair bound. And you have a future. And you have more life in your eyes."
02 swallowed thickly, rubbing his hands together, forcing circulation in them. They were cold. He was cold. Maybe he should close that window. No, he shouldn't. He glanced behind him at Heero, felt warmer, and continued. "My life is ending, and yours is just beginning. I envy you...and I'm afraid. Forgive me for that weakness."
"There is nothing to forgive," Trowa spoke softly, but with conviction. He crossed the room and crouched down in front of where 02 sat on the bed. "I admire you more than you know. To give your life, your everything, for your cause...I one day hope to do what you have done. I want to have that kind of bravery. Heero proved his courage, by self-destructing. What you have done is simply amazing. I..."
02 cut Trowa off, strange premonition welling in his heart. This was not a healthy admiration. "Take it from a man who's about to lose his life, from someone whose existence is about to be erased from your memory, from everyone's memory...don't take such things for granted."
Trowa frowned.
"Self-destruction is worthless," 02 started again, trying to get his point across. "What I've had to do is insane. It should never have been necessary. When a soldier has to lose his life in this modern type of warfare, there has been a gross miscalculation or, a major calamity. A tragedy. It should not be admired, it should be mourned."
"How can you say that?" Trowa rocked back from his crouched position to settle on his heels. "You're just trying to sound modest. I understand." The boy nodded thoughtfully, a faraway look already settled in his eyes.
But Trowa didn't understand. Not at all.
02 sighed. Hopefully, someone would be able to stop Trowa from carrying out this ambition...life was too precious. Life and memory...perhaps the young soldier would one day understand.
But 02 didn't think Trowa would, not until it was too late.
Perhaps this was meant to be.
02 sighed and let it go. Trowa would have to learn for himself. The scientist only hoped that it wouldn't be a lethal lesson.
3 hours left.
Trowa went outside then, promising to return. 02 knew that neither he nor Catherine would be back, not for him to see. He didn't know how he knew this...he just...he just did.
02 closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, training his senses to focus only on Heero. The scientist was not sure when exactly the boy would awaken, but he had to be ready. Until he did wake up, though, it would take all of 02's mental and physical reserves to stay lucid and collected. The man had things he wanted to say, things he needed to say...but as time was running out, he could feel his inner equilibrium crumbling. He needed to focus. He must hang on. For Heero.
Until he awoke.
02 concentrated. He waited. Time passed.
~ ~ ~ ~
Outside, Catherine and Trowa sat together on the makeshift cinderblock and plank steps of the trailer. They were side by side; the older of the two had her legs folded perpendicular to the ground with her fingers laced together on top of her knees, placed as though she were in prayer. The soldier had bowed his head and let his bangs hide his eyes as he stared down at where his arms were crossed over his chest. His legs were stretched straight in front of him, crossed at the ankles.
They shared silence for what seemed like a short eternity, lost in their respective thoughts while they guarded the trailer's only exit.
"Trowa?" Catherine said, breaking the stillness of the air. Almost on cue, a gentle breeze stirred around them.
"Hm?"
"Who's crazier? Him, for coming up with that story..." She paused, swallowing. "Or me for believing most of it?"
Trowa didn't look up from behind his veil of bangs. He sighed quietly before answering. "Nobody's crazy. I, myself, don't know what to believe. If we're to take everything he said at his word, then it doesn't matter anyway. In a few hours, that is."
"I refuse to accept that," Catherine whispered, her voice strong despite her hushed tone. "It does matter. But I have a hard time understanding it all...it seems so unreal. That a person can just...stop being. That's terrible."
"I wouldn't have believed any of it, not if it weren't for the actual evidence," Trowa said after a long period of quiet. "Not only the hard evidence, like the disappearing hair follicles he showed you, but just the way 02 himself has changed. Catherine, you've seen how his physical appearance has altered, but you have no idea how much his personality has also changed. It's as though...I don't know how to say it. It's as though he was broken before, and now has healed, despite what he keeps saying about his brain and mind deteriorating."
Catherine chewed her lower lip. "About that brain deterioration..."
Trowa canted his head to the side and looked at her. "Yeah?"
"Do you really think that Heero is awake when we're not there?" She asked bluntly.
Trowa answered in a voice devoid of emotion. "It is improbable, and it is inconsistent with what 02 has told us. According to everything else he has said, after tonight we'll forget everything involving 02. That would include Heero being awake, right? So why would we keep missing him? It makes no sense."
"Thank goodness," Catherine sighed, letting one hand flutter up to cover her heart. "I was afraid I was being unfair. I didn't want to mention it because I thought those delusions were helping 02 along."
The soldier nodded, life once again entering his tone. "I understand what you mean...but..."
"But?"
"I can't say for sure whether I think 02 is delusional or not. Logically, yes, he probably is..." Trowa let his voice trail off. He checked his watch. Supposedly, 02 had very little time left. Less than an hour.
"How about we stay here for a little while longer?" Catherine spoke up after a moment of silence. She had seen the time on Trowa's watch. "We can talk this over in the morning..."
If we still remember.
Some things are better left unsaid.
Before long, 02's voice drifted out of the open window of the trailer. Was it a one-sided conversation...or where Heero's replies too soft to be heard?
The pair on the steps did not know.
~ ~ ~ ~
02 opened his eyes as a cool breeze fluttered in through the open window. It was time. Heero had woken up.
"Hi," the scientist said, smiling down at the soldier.
Dark blue eyes blinked in response. Heero yawned, his jaw stretching widely. Then sudden urgency flooded his expression. "What time is it?" He whispered, his voice almost too faint to be heard over the fluttering of the curtains. It was good that 02 could read lips.
"I don't have long. The end is almost here," 02 answered, suddenly standing. He had to walk, one last time. To the window and back, he could manage it. He stopped, adjusting the curtains. "Heero. I wanted to thank you."
"For what?" The soldier's faint voice was all but masked by 02's returning footsteps. It was so hard to walk, to stay balanced. Balance.
"For existing. Your example, even if it I misunderstood, kept me going for ten years. Then, when I meet you again, you set me straight. You fixed my broken soul. It sounds so trite, but it's the truth. I couldn't let myself go without telling you that, without thanking you. I owe you everything that I am," 02 whispered, his voice thickening. He closed his eyes.
"I--"
"Please, although I know that you cannot possibly keep this promise...I know that you will try to...promise to work for peace, no matter what. You deserve to live in a future where the threat of war will not follow your every step. Find peace," The man took a ragged breath.
Heero was silent, then a crooked little grin flittered across his face. "All right. Peace. I actually wanted that anyway."
"Good," 02 nodded firmly.
They sat in silence. Time passed.
"02."
"Yes?"
"You are Duo. And I will remember you. I will protect you. I promise you that. I will," Heero whispered, his eyes already beginning to slide shut. Fear suddenly burned in his eyes as he comprehended what that sudden weariness had to mean. He fought the unconsciousness as the deadline rushed upon them.
02's heart nearly stopped, both from Heero's words and the feeling of death approaching. And yet...he felt the final completion within himself. He leaned forward and kissed Heero's forehead, breathing in the boy's scent. The last thing he would ever smell...
A single tear fell from 02's eye, disappearing between blinks before it hit the bed.
"But you can't remember," 02 protested weakly.
"I will."
"Heero, I think somewhere along the way, I started to love you. Good bye," 02 whispered.
Heero's eyes slid closed.
02 blinked.
~ ~ ~ ~
Outside, Catherine looked up at the stars. "The sky is beautiful tonight, Trowa, but why are we out here this late?"
Confused marked Trowa's face. "I--I'm not sure."
The wind blew.
~ ~ ~ ~